Channeling with Toast

Channeling Toast is an art. Not many can perform a toast channel consistently. In order to channel toast, you must begin with a calm, open mind. You are much more likely to accurately read the channel when you are relaxed and focused. Toast Channeling is not for those with short attention spans. Desmond has been known to spend as long a 14 hours just channeling a single piece of toasted fruitcake.

Additionally, there are levels of Toast Channeling. You may find at first that all you sense is a whisper, or all you hear are curse words (this is common when channeling dead careers). Desmond once channeled the late comedian Sam Kinison and got an earful of what he only described as, "unpleasantries." It is easy to get frustrated as a beginner when your only channels are cursing spirits or careers. With time and focus, your channeling skills will grow, and you'll find the sky is the limit. Channel a hot dog bun, a Ritz cracker, or even a breadstick. If you can fit it in your one-slot toaster, give it a shot. You never know who or what you'll channel.

The concept of Toast Channeling begins with the selection of the bread. Beginners should always start out with a good white bread. Wonderbread or Superkids are nice and nutritionless, leading to an easy channel. Besides, who wants to actually eat the stuff? You won't feel bad toasting 5-10 loaves just to get your first channel! Best of all, you can get 10-15 loaves of these inexpensive bread products for less than $20 (varies by location). You can use more fancy bread as your skills improve, but for starters, these two types of white bread are a best bet to quick, easy toast channeling.

The last thing you need for channeling toast is a good one-slot toaster. Nothing calls the spirits like a nice wide one-slot. The one-slot toaster has always been maligned because of its seeming lack of purpose. After all, whoever came up with the idea of one slot that doesn't quite fit two pieces of bread must have been smoking something fantastic, right? Well, it turns out that although the one-slot may suck beans at toasting two slices of normal size bread, it is magnificant at calling spirits. The reason is simple. There is only one slice of bread, therefore, only one spirit can show up on the toast. Thus, the one-slot serves it only true purpose, Toast Channeling.

This should serve as a good starter guide to channeling the spirit world with toast. Any questions regarding advanced techniques should be directed toward Desmond, either by email or toast channel. Good luck and may your channels be clear.

In Summary

Breads

• Wonderbread
• Superkids
• Any extremely white, nutritionless loaf of bread.
• Any loaf of white bread you would hesitate to feed to ducks.

Toaster

• One-Slot only.
• Easy to clean crumb catcher.
• Preferably white or chrome in color.
• Basic appearance to keep channels from getting confused.
• No digital displays. That is just dumb on a toaster.